[If you're going to be weird, I'm just going to leave.] Weird's just normal when normal decides to start taking notice of things. You just think about that. Now what'd you come here for?”— No-bark Noonan
No-bark Noonan is a disabled person living in Novac in Fallout: New Vegas.
Not everyone can weather the wasteland intact. Some break. Noonan is of sound body, but his mind leaves a lot to be desired, allegedly due to radscorpion stings that pierced his skull a bit too many times, damaging his brain. Only Noonan knows what lies behind his mental disorders and he isn't telling, not in a way that is legible to the interlocutor at any rate.
Noonan has been a part of Novac long enough to become a part of its community, in the designated role of a harmless village idiot. As he's considered harmless and irrelevant, nobody pays attention to him, allowing the elderly man to observe unusual happenings in Novac freely and notice odd quirks in people's behavior. As such, he can be a potent source of information, if one can find the bits of knowledge hidden beyond the haze of his delusions.
He received his nickname when someone joked that not all of Noonan's dogs are barking. The name caught on, to the point that many Novac residents only know him as No-Bark Noonan. He considers it a badge of honor, rather than an insult, stating that it's because everyone knows he doesn't simply bark - his words have bite.
Interactions with the player character
|This character is involved in quests.|
- Despite appearances, Noonan has a lot of money stashed away and will start the game with 800 caps to wager. He is a difficult opponent and will use Jacks liberally to remove high value cards from the playing field.
- They Went That-a-Way: No-bark can help the player gather intel on the man in a checkered suit and point them towards the town sniper with the mustache.
- One for My Baby: Although the haze of delusions is particularly thick, Noonan points the player towards Dino Dee-lite front desk as a place where the mole-men (slavers) appeared the night that Carla was taken.
- The Screams of Brahmin: No-bark will direct the Courier to speak to Alice and Dusty McBride after claiming he saw an invisible chupacabra shoot some of the McBride's brahmin.
- No-Bark has no clue what is going on at the REPCONN Facility when asked about the area during Come Fly With Me. He will speculate that the facility was taken over by Communist ghosts, who want to hijack the rocket, travel to the moon, and paint it pink with a huge Lenin face in the middle. Once the quest is completed without killing the ghouls, however, he will give an interview to Radio New Vegas and accurately that it was all "Religious ghouls looking for a land to call their own."
- No-bark offers an unique comment to players with the Wild Wasteland trait. All players will be threatened with his sticking knife. Players with 6+ Strength can also try to intimidate No-bark, but the attempt has no effect on dialogue beyond granting experience to the player.
|Wasteland settler outfit|
Drops on death
- "Weird's just normal when normal decides to start taking notice of things. You just think about that. Now what'd you come here for?"
- "[Why do they call you No-bark?] Cause they know I ain't just barking here. What I say's got bite, 'cause it's the truth. Them quack doctors can say what they want about all the radscorpion stings that done pierced my skull. I know what I seen."
- "[Who do you think is actually at the factory?] Ghosts. Commie ghosts what don't know they're dead. Hoping to steal our rockets so they can fly up and paint the moon pink and draw a Lenin face on it. I seen one of them disappear and reappear before my very eyes. Although being a scientist, I have to admit I might've just blinked for longer than usual, what with the shock of seeing a commie ghost and so forth."
- "I don't trust a man that doesn't have something strange going on about him, 'cause it means he's hiding it from you. If a man's wearing his pants on his head or if he says his words backwards from time to time, you know it's all laid out there for you. But if he's friendly to strangers and keeps his home spick-and-span, more often than not he's done something even his own ma couldn't forgive."
- "[What's been going on in town?] There's been things of a disturbing nature going on at the McBride Corral. Seems every night one of their herd meets a most unnatural death, and always there's holes all over the body. Work of the chupacabra, the livestock vampire, says No-bark, but they don't pay no mind. Too many holes, they say, and there's bullets in them. Well, says No-bark, we got a chupacabra with an automatic weapon. And that's when they get real quiet, 'cause now they see the predicament we're in."
- "[Is anything interesting happening in the area?] Folks'll tell you that they seen ghouls up near the rocket factory. Sensationalist hooey, cooked up by superstitious yokels seeing phantoms of their own imagining."
- "It's ghouls, I tell ya. Religious ghouls in rockets looking for a land to call their own. Don't you laugh at me. I know a spell that'll make you show your true form. Cave rat taught it to me."
- "[You're going to talk whether you like it or not.] I give up! Please don't do no harm to me, mister/missy, leastaways not my face. All I got left is my rugged good looks. What do you want to know?"
Behind the scenes
- No-bark Noonan was written by Eric Fenstermaker.
No-bark Noonan appears only in Fallout: New Vegas.